17 Comments

Sorry you were sick, Jacquie. Glad you were able to still find the ability to be creative. It’s tough for me if I get thrown off even just a little bit. Hope you’re feeling better.

Absolutely loved this story!! So many layers. I love how the boy’s monstrous nature is vague and left to the imagination for the most part (like he’s not a straight up werewolf or something). I also enjoyed Alruna’s arc and the dynamic you played off the husband and wife and their relationship with children.

The pacing was really good, too. I struggle with telling these types of stories because I get too involved in scene structure frameworks borrowed mostly from film. So your ability to paint the narrative and characters so swiftly and expertly without getting caught up on too many details was impressive.

Great work! Can’t wait to share this. 😁

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Thank you for such a wonderful review, Winston! I hear you about getting involved in scene structure. I think I struggle with short stories in part because I want to start at the beginning and tell the whole story, and I can get bogged down in details if I let myself ;-) I wasn't sure this structure would work, but I tried to keep it simple and see what happened.

I definitely lost my motivation to do much of anything for a few days, so this was a good incentive to get myself back writing :-) Thanks for coming up with this prompt, it was a lot of fun!

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Feb 16, 2023Liked by J. M. Elliott

Great story! Very interesting and so well written. Hope you're feeling better.

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Feb 16, 2023·edited Feb 16, 2023Author

Thank you, Arlene! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :-) And I'm doing much better now, thanks!

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That was a great story, and an interesting take on the abandoned royalty trope.

The only thing that threw me off a bit was the informality of the interaction between the old couple and the king. It seems like there should be a bit more decorum between them.

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Thanks, Leigh! I appreciate your comment and I can see where you're coming from. I was torn between fairytale and historical narrative, so I blended the two. I imagine a tribal king/chief whose "castle" is something more like a hillfort than a palace and whose subjects would be more like an extended family or clan than cringing supplicants. I know that's maybe a weird hair to split in a story, but I like putting this king in a meadhall rather than on a velvet cushion--it makes his inaction more material. The illustrations I chose probably don't help (hillforts are hard to come by ;-) Maybe I'll revise my terminology and see if I can do a better job of evoking that down-to-earth, forthright vibe I'm after. Thanks for sharing your critique!

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No worries! It definitely makes more sense with a petty king ruling over a small territory. I think a few lines could easily clear that up.

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Thanks! Definitely worth a try :-)

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Great work, Jacquie, especially feeling under par. 👏 Loved the fable feel. I guess Harry Potter fits the template, too.

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Thanks so much, Adrian! I hadn't considered Harry Potter, but that's a good one, too!

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Such a great story, and the explanation at the end - this was a fascinating concept, and beautifully written!

Hope you’re feeling much better after your encounter with Covid.

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Thanks so much, Rebecca! This story was something a little different for me, but it was a lot of fun to write! Those first few Covid days were decidedly un-fun, but I'm beginning to feel much better now, thanks :-)

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I really enjoyed it - it was really clever!

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Great writing! I really enjoyed the way you wove your tale, and it such a short space. I hope you’re on the mend now. I think Princess Aurora and Hercules can fit into this trope as well.

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Thanks so much, Amanda! I never even thought of those. Good examples!

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This is about the most perfect “weekend project” I’ve come across is ages. I wish I could type so eloquently and imaginatively as you did with this piece. I love the trope you selected as well. And I like your application of “in medias res” with the opening dialogue.

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That's maybe the coolest compliment I've ever had on my work, Daniel, thank you. I honestly wish I could write as eloquently and imaginatively as you do.

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