I like the descriptions in this chapter, especially about the workings of the colony. It’s got some Homeric flourishes. I think one of the most moving lines in the Odyssey where it’s mentioned that all Odysseus wants is to see the slender smoke rising from his chimney.

This line is spectacular: “His question filled my chest with a burning flutter like a lamp flame left too near a drafty door.”---I think it would be nice to put a comma after the word “flutter” to put a pause there, and it would sound even sweeter without the words “left too”. I think if you read it out loud, you can here what I’m trying to say. It would make it sound like something out of Yeats like that: “His question filled my chest with a burning flutter, like a lamp flame near a drafty door.”

Expand full comment

Wow, thank you! That's really gratifying to hear. And your suggestions are definitely an improvement. I'll incorporate those changes, also. Thank you for reading with such a sympathetic ear. You have a wonderful sense for the poetry in prose :-)

Expand full comment